you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
