I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
