I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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