How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
