Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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