just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You pole danced in your parka.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
