i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
