Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
