but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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