How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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