I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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