i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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