DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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