I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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