THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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