Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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