Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
