Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
