U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
