Where did you get a picture of my penis
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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