Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
