The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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