After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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