Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
