wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
