I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
