Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
