Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
