Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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