Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
