Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
