help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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