I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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