I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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