1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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