We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
