I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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