we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
