Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
