I must be too annoying 4 u.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
