I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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