I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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