She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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