the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
