My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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