new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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