It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
