Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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