Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
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And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
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Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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