I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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