a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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