I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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