ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
