he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
