I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
pop tarts are not kleenex
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
