3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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