I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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