he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
