I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
