All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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