I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
